Beyond the Numbness

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Legs feel so heavy.
Am I wearing a skirt?
Or have they just left me naked
after I was hit hard?
Are my bones connected?
I wish they were!
I want my legs to walk on the beach,
holding his hands.
What if I don't keep my promise?
Will he leave me behind?
I want to know if my hair has grown—
Maa will be happy
to comb and braid it
when she sees me.
And where have my hands gone?
I feel so numb.
What do I do with my energy
when I can't move?
My body feels like a ship lost at sea,
adrift on waters I cannot see.

Though I cannot see anything,
I can see everything.
I see everything in green and blue,
and sometimes in yellow and orange.
So, are my eyes fine?
I feel a small ache in my heart
because I know
he comes daily to see me.
I remember his perfume
so well.
He keeps his hand here,
but I wonder where my hands are.

Papa stays here,
being my protective angel,
being my guardian.
Maa comes every morning
with freshly brewed coffee.
My memories are so fresh,
so is my mind.

Time feels frozen;
I’m still, but the world spins around me.
I listen to whispers of life outside
but feel caught in a cocoon of silence.
Will I wake one day to find
the pieces of myself again?
Until then, I wait
in this space between dreams and reality.


- Namrata



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