Drift

I hate my mind for giving ideas and inspirations at the wrong time. The strongest urge to write always comes when I’m in the shower, when I’m updating something urgent for office work, or when I’m in the middle of a conversation with someone. I try to jot them down in a word or two on my phone notepad, but it never works well. Some days I even end up with headaches from the rush of ideas I can’t manage. And then, when I finally sit down to write, I go blank. The feeling is not easy, not good.

I was very low this week. Feeling pity for yourself is so depressing. I have a story contest deadline in two days, and I haven’t even started. I’m stuck in confusion about what to write. I had to make a decision for myself, just a ‘Yes’ or a ‘No’, and yet I ended up overthinking it for days. For me, overthinking always comes with endless walks, and this time I crossed 13K steps each day for two days, until my legs were sore. Sigh! At work, we also bid farewell to one of the founders, and I was sad. She has supported me from my very first days until now. I knew goodbyes were hard when said in person, but this one was different—she lives in the US, and I’ve never met her face-to-face, yet I still felt moved. Once upon a time, I could meditate for 30 minutes straight. Now, I cannot even close my eyes for a minute. All these things together have been freaking me out.

Amidst this chaos, my mind started circling around theism, manifestation, and affirmations.

Theism is never simple. Nor is atheism. And between the two, there are countless shades of belief and non-belief. Each person shapes their own definition of God, energy, or meaning. Even within a group of four, you might find four completely different worlds: one is a theist who believes in a creator and follows Him faithfully; another is a theist who doesn’t follow rituals but believes in a universal energy; one is an atheist—firm in disbelief; and one keeps shifting between stages, unwilling to label themselves.

And then there is me. A theist, yes — I believe in a creator. But alongside that, I hold close the power of affirmations and manifestation. These are not just internet buzzwords to me. I stumbled upon them when I was 13 or 14, without much understanding then. But now, in my twenties, they make deep sense.

Sometimes I think affirmations are like talking to your Wi-Fi router. You keep repeating, “Please work, please work, please work,” knowing full well you need to reset it and wait. But still, you whisper your plea, half in faith, half in desperation. That’s manifestation for me too — I affirm, I believe, and I also do the hard work of pressing reset.

Affirmations are my whispered anchors. I have repeated to myself, countless times, “This too shall pass.” And often, it does. Not by magic, but by patience. Manifestation, for me, is not daydreaming something into existence. It is belief plus effort. It is holding a vision so clearly that you work towards it with steady persistence. You manifest not by wishing, but by aligning your choices, your work, and your discipline with that wish.

Still, I understand why people laugh at these things. To some, affirmations sound like self-delusion. To some, manifestation sounds like laziness disguised as hope. And to some, theism itself feels unnecessary. But to me, all of these — faith, affirmations, manifestation — are survival tools. They help me stay afloat when the waters are too high.

Today is the auspicious festival of Ganesha Chaturthi. If you believe in the Lord and you're celebrating today, may He shower us all with joy, success, and love. Wish me luck with my story contest. And don’t forget, don’t look at the moon tonight! Ahh, you know why—we’ve all heard the Ganesha tales or watched those cartoons of Bal Ganapa.

See you next week!