The Cycle of My Sanity

This cycle keeps me sane, I must say. What cycle? Hear my story now.

I am an “early to bed, early to rise” person. This holds true for most days in a year. But once in a while, I go full “early to bed, still in bed” mode. Balance, right? Yes! I am hyperactive and super productive most of the year. Then I catch hold of a very silly reason, like cold or cough or even a slight climate change, and go into a hibernation or aestivation. After I recharge, I want to paint, or I want to sing. Or I want to write a 400-page novel. Three of such 400-page novels are in draft! Each close to twenty pages, I guess. Very close to 400. LOL! 

And when I want to paint, I order all the fancy supplies, spending so much on them. By the time they arrive at my door, I’m done with the painting phase and now I’m baking some choco-chip or fruit and nut cookies in the kitchen. Then I realize I needed cranberries or some exotic ingredient that you see on the internet but never find anywhere near me. I’m a very simple human being usually, but sometimes I’m this too. And as always, I end up baking butter cookies. Not bad though!

In between all this, books are my constant. I jump onto 2–3 books at the same time—poetry, fiction, sometimes even a romcom if I’m feeling fluffy, but mostly mystery and thrillers. And just when I’m sinking into a good chapter, the next hour I switch to my master’s syllabus and start flipping pages. Then I sit all confused about which subject to actually study. And boom! I declare a syllabus marathon and pull out every book I own, like I’m preparing for a grand finale. The chaos is real, but I love it.

Later I remember about a certification exam I had enrolled for six months ago when I was in my energy element. The matter is simple! You want to study something, you enroll for a course or a degree or even a national exam (who knows!), and feel super happy for a day or two… and then study for the later years! Study enthusiastically? Nope. Enthusiasm flew off long back.

I browse Instagram and I see a beautiful lady, and now I daydream modeling. The next moment, I’m re-arranging my wardrobe and my mom wonders if I’m moving to some different city to attend college out of the blue!! (She knows me quite well.) When I re-arrange my wardrobe, I want to try every piece of clothing I have and then complain that I want to tone my body. The next morning, I’m a furious lady who burns 300 calories; with a determined, angry face of course! This continues for four days. And then I crave a brownie or basundi. I want to eat that the very same day, pizza the next day, and some chowmein with manchurian the day after that.

Now I’m stressed and I realize I haven’t been keeping up with my meditation regularly. I’m stressed because I’m not keeping up meditation, and because I’m not keeping up meditation, I’m stressed. This is a cycle, I’m sorry.

One fine day, I see some hair in the dustbin. I am appalled by the amount of hair on that day—though that’s normal. And then starts the ‘Saatwik movement’ where I eat healthy, stay healthy, and think healthy.

These are just a few, but I have hundreds of such fleeting interests and I love them. I love myself for having hundreds of such interests that keep me sane. And one day, if you find me painting a street wall, or not replying to your texts because I was studying 8 hours a day, or if I go missing for a week because I was applying to 10 different companies daily—chasing more interesting job roles, or if you see me open a cafe or a bakery, or even spot me with extra dark circles, don’t be surprised. I’m all good!!!